Back to ... normality?

[purpletigron]

I've realised that I've come away from my permaculture course with one immediate, very valuable lesson -

I know what 'feeling well' feels like again.

Just one week ago - even though I was missing my family - I was really happy. My body was comfortable. My mind was reasonably calm. I was sleeping quite well (on a thin foam mattress in a slightly small sleeping bag!) I didn't procrastinate. I could meet all the challenges without feeling like a broken-down car that I was having to push up a hill, alone.

This morning, although I feel much less distraught than yesterday, I feel ill. My lymph nodes are aching. I am tired. I face interesting challenges, but my interest is complete disconnected from my ability to face up to them. That broken-down car feeling is back with a vengeance.

So: What does it mean, when I feel that I'm having to force myself through the day? That I'm a bad person? Um, no - it means, my health is declining.

The plot thickens further, however. What seems to have been the key trigger for this 'health flip-flop'? Answer: My inability to accept Mater's current low state of health. The moment I start thinking about her, it's like I'm trying to lift her on my back and carry her back to full health by the force of my will. Talk about magnesium spoons ...

Sounds like I need to be kinder to both myself, and Mater: give us both a rest, proper time to convalesce.

Comments

[bugshaw.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Some news to make you feel better?
http://www.jamesmarsterslive.com/

[unclechristo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
I know that feeling.
Time to do things for YOU.
nuthahug
CCx

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

I think one of the problems here is going to be working out what proper rest and convalesence time is for both you and M. My worry is that the two may not be mutually compatible...

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

This is why it is important for M. to not rely on A. so much... yes?

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

Quite - but that's not exactly a rest for M...

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

It will take time to change the balance, and this needs to be taken into consideration.

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

This is an excellent lesson. YAY!

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

Isn't it astonishing when you remember what Well feels like? And more astonishing that most people feel like that a lot of the time and take it completely for granted?

Good luck with finding the balance. You've got a lot on your plate - a bit of kindness to yourself never hurts, though it can be hard to remember.