Newtonmas

Quite a good day. The hand-made chocolates that I'd prepared went down very well. My Chestnut Wellington was lovely, although the apricots didn't caramelise because there wasn't space in the oven for it to cook slowly for an hour. The boys took it as 'stuffing en croute' and delicious, and I managed not to resent that! ;-)

Dr Who was silly, but I liked the Midshipman - and the lack of sentimentality about Christmas, as someone else in this part of LJ-space already noted. I will give James Marsters a chance to impress me in Torchwood. (Will he do a duet with John Barrowman, "You're so vain!"? ;-)

I think Mater enjoyed the day. I have many hopes for 2008, but that Mater should start to accelerate toward finding more joy in life is one of the most heart-felt.

I was drop-dead exhausted by 21:00, and we'd none of us managed to go out for a walk. Today will be different!

Nonviolent Communication

( Brief personal background )

( Why does Nonviolent Communication interest me? )

I've just gone straight back to re-read Marshall Rosenberg's book, "Nonviolent communication: A language of life". I want to study the (paraphrased) real-life situations, especially those which are similar to problems in the place where I work, and which Mater is encountering.

The basic principles of Nonviolent communication are not obscure, or new:

• We are each personally responsible for our actions, and how we choose to respond to others.
• When people act from negative emotions - such as fear, guilt or shame - any short-term benefit of the action will probably be over-shadowed by longer term emotional damage.
• We block our communications by making demands and judgements, and by blaming, ourselves and others.
• Life is not a zero-sum game
• If we can observe, without making moral judgements, what people are feeling, and how those feelings arise from unfulfilled needs, we can work out together which actions will optimally meet everyone's needs.

One example which I'm currently exploring: It can be unhelpful to sincerely tell someone, "You're wonderful!". Who am I, to sit in judgement of your wonderfulness? In any case, that doesn't help you to understand which of your actions have met my needs, and led to my positive emotions - so you don't gain much information about how to share happiness with me again.

Rather, I could say, "When we're together, I know that you will ask for anything which you need. I can trust that you are not secretly sad, and I feel relaxed and happy." Between two people who are experienced in nonviolent communication, that could become less long-winded, "I'm so happy that you're never secretly sad!".

I think Mater has experienced a lot of violent, or 'life-alienating', communication over the years. I think that a lot of my internal dialogue has been violent toward myself, too.

Have you any experiences which could be called, "nonviolent communication"?