What if I'm getting that feeling again?
Jul. 6th, 2008 04:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purpletigronWhat feeling? That feeling that Life wants more out of me than I have to give.
I feel wiped out by doing my duty - with nothing left for myself - and yet, with duties still undone.
I feel as if my only two choices are to push myself to collapse, or let everything else collapse now.
A key factor in all this exhaustion is the transfer of my mother's care from the hospital to the GP team. I've been failing for weeks to even get to speak to a member of my mother's new team. None of them seems to have a proper overview of her condition and her history any more, either.
One way in which I am my own worst enemy: I mis-pace myself at work, giving too much and leaving myself with too little for the rest of the week. But my best hours are 07:00 - 15:00 daily, and so-called 'normal full time hours' steal most of that time. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I now need at least one weekday per fortnight set aside from paid work for my unpaid caring work with my mother.
But my current employer has already declined a request from me for part-time working.
I feel wiped out by doing my duty - with nothing left for myself - and yet, with duties still undone.
I feel as if my only two choices are to push myself to collapse, or let everything else collapse now.
A key factor in all this exhaustion is the transfer of my mother's care from the hospital to the GP team. I've been failing for weeks to even get to speak to a member of my mother's new team. None of them seems to have a proper overview of her condition and her history any more, either.
One way in which I am my own worst enemy: I mis-pace myself at work, giving too much and leaving myself with too little for the rest of the week. But my best hours are 07:00 - 15:00 daily, and so-called 'normal full time hours' steal most of that time. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I now need at least one weekday per fortnight set aside from paid work for my unpaid caring work with my mother.
But my current employer has already declined a request from me for part-time working.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-06 04:19 pm (UTC)The other question is: how committed are you to your current employer?
no subject
Date: 2008-07-06 04:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 11:36 am (UTC)If your employer is small & skint, then presumably what they're saying is (roughly): we need a FT equivalent person, and we can't afford to get someone else to do your work for one day a week. If you're able to do your existing work/hours in fewer days, might that fly with them? If you're customer-facing in any way it probably won't, as in that case you're being paid to some extent for hours-with-bum-on-seat. If you're not customer-facing, and you don't deal with urgent queries on a daily basis, then you can argue that they're paying you for results, rather than for your physical presence, and 9 days/fortnight with same fortnightly hours would meet that requirement.
You could also suggest a trial period for 3-6 months with a scheduled/agreed review date at the end of that where both you and your manager can agree that it's either working or not working.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-06 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-06 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-06 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-07 07:05 am (UTC)Also, does your mother get Disability Living Allowance (or Attendance Allowance if she's over 60)? If not, why not apply? She clearly cannot look after herself. And if she is awarded DLA/AA, you can get Carer's Allowance as her primary caregiver (you do NOT have to live together for this). Look up DialUK and see if you have a local disability information bureau or support office where they can help you with the paperwork (47 pages for the DLA/AA application isn't the problem - it's that the form looks like it's straightforward, but the criteria aren't what they look like from the form, so it's important to have someone with a good track record on this to help you). They may also have good information on services available to you locally, including help with care, social stuff for Mater that isn't overwhelming, etc.
Once you've got this benefit sorted and awarded, it's a gateway to other help from your local and national services. If your mother needs a full or part time person to be with her and help her, she may qualify for direct payment to employ a personal assistant of her choice. If she's resistant, it could be couched more as a PA/admin assistant than carer - she'd be the employer, rather than dependent.
I don't know how your mother feels about MIND, but I think they are bloody wonderful, and they have local offices all over the country.
You may find the local CAB can give you info on options. Our bureau has a mental health advocacy team which is hospital based, but they take self-referrals - yours might, too. They'd be in a position to refer you to all the right support networks in your area.
Carers need support just as much as anyone else - more, perhaps. Everything or collapse is not the only option. There are other, better options out there, and you must look after yourself. Please seek out the people who can help you and Mater get proper support.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 06:01 am (UTC)I think it would be great if I could get her to employ a part-time PA to take over much of what I'm currently doing for her! We'll see ...
Sounds like I need to talk to DialUK and CAB too. Thanks!!!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-06 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 06:02 am (UTC)How are your plans shaping up?
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-07 10:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-07 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 06:03 am (UTC)